Note to Bywater publicist: re: Desperation
I am getting very nervous. As you may know, I have promised to do something crazy and completely out of character when Bywater’s fans reach 1000. Today, we are at 819. I have absolutely no idea what I will do when we reach the magic number, so you can imagine my panic.
Please help me. Whatever it is that I do, it can’t involve nudity. It may involve some profanity, mostly because I am so nervous I won’t be able to restrain myself.
Giving away a signed book is far too lame after I’ve publicly committed to this. Oh, it can’t involve water, since I am deathly afraid of large quantities of the stuff.
I have no important famous friends from whom I could wrest favors, unless you count Kate Clinton’s slavish devotion to me. Really sorry I don’t have more time for her.
You are a publicist, an idea person, so give this some thought, taking into consideration my timidity and natural modesty. I feel I have to deliver, after having spouted off, never dreaming Bywater actually could garner some 1000 fans on Facebook. Who knew, right?
I put myself at your disposal. I am perfectly willing to humiliate myself, if done on a dignified, tasteful, calm sort of way, and it doesn’t require physical dexterity or endurance.
I know you can come up with something. Something that doesn’t involve financial outflow, physical pain, nudity, you have the list.
Thanks so much!