Note to Bywater publicist: re: Desperation
I am getting very nervous. As you may know, I have promised to do something crazy and completely out of character when Bywater’s fans reach 1000. Today, we are at 819. I have absolutely no idea what I will do when we reach the magic number, so you can imagine my panic.
Please help me. Whatever it is that I do, it can’t involve nudity. It may involve some profanity, mostly because I am so nervous I won’t be able to restrain myself.
Giving away a signed book is far too lame after I’ve publicly committed to this. Oh, it can’t involve water, since I am deathly afraid of large quantities of the stuff.
I have no important famous friends from whom I could wrest favors, unless you count Kate Clinton’s slavish devotion to me. Really sorry I don’t have more time for her.
You are a publicist, an idea person, so give this some thought, taking into consideration my timidity and natural modesty. I feel I have to deliver, after having spouted off, never dreaming Bywater actually could garner some 1000 fans on Facebook. Who knew, right?
I put myself at your disposal. I am perfectly willing to humiliate myself, if done on a dignified, tasteful, calm sort of way, and it doesn’t require physical dexterity or endurance.
I know you can come up with something. Something that doesn’t involve financial outflow, physical pain, nudity, you have the list.
Thanks so much!
bett
YOU CRACK ME UP.
“What’s Best For Jane….” tattooed on your ass? Could be a conversation starter.
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Uh, no. Involves nudity, already mentioned. Involves pain, already excluded.
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You have too many rules. Okay, then swallow a goldfish.
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Gay Pride Parade. Sandwich board. What’s Best for Jane on one side, Bywater Books on the other.
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