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Unbelievable. First, Sandy and I bought a new sofa. It’s lovely. Really.
Yes, she has taken over the new lovely sofa, purchased expressly for its napping affinities.
Under the watchful eye of retained counsel, I decided to share. I lay down the luxurious new sofa, stretched out, and proceeded to doze.
That’s when it happened. I was violated. I got licked by a cat! She pretended to be taking a bath, and the next thing I knew, the top of my head was getting washed by a cat tongue. Ugh!
I begged Sandy to take a picture but she refused. She knew it would be irrefutable evidence of assault.
This attack when on for several minutes. It wasn’t a hit and run kind of thing. The attacker took her time, knowing no help would come. My hair was thoroughly washed. I felt humilialated, degraded. less than human.
Honestly, I am glad to be returning to work this morning. A person can’t enjoy dozing through the last NFL games of the season, nor stretching out on a still-new-smelling couch, without fear of bullying.
We are beginning the new year as a house divided, Sandy firmly in the camp of the felines, and me, without ally or protection, on the side of truth.
I am getting a water pistol. And a new napping pillow that matches the sofa. And a hair cut.