Bett Norris


How I Welcomed in the New Year, and Got Licked in the Process

Unbelievable. First, Sandy and I bought a new sofa. It’s lovely. Really.

That’s my faded blue napping pillow. And that’s the cat, who allegedly (she has retained counsel) vandalized the printer  just days ago.

Yes, she has taken over the new lovely sofa, purchased expressly for its napping affinities.

Under the watchful eye of retained counsel, I decided to share. I lay down the luxurious new sofa, stretched out, and proceeded to doze.

That’s when it happened. I was violated. I got licked by a cat! She pretended to be taking a bath, and the next thing I knew, the top of my head was getting washed by a cat tongue. Ugh!

I begged Sandy to take a picture but she refused. She knew it would be irrefutable evidence of assault.

This attack when on for several minutes. It wasn’t a hit and run kind of thing. The attacker took her time, knowing no help would come. My hair was thoroughly washed. I felt humilialated, degraded. less than human.

Vanquished, I took my ratty napping pillow and left. This is the smug look I got.

Honestly, I am glad to be returning to work this morning. A person can’t enjoy dozing through the last NFL games of the season, nor stretching out on a still-new-smelling couch, without fear of bullying.

We are beginning the new year as a house divided, Sandy firmly in the camp of the felines, and me, without ally or protection, on the side of truth.

I am getting a water pistol. And a new napping pillow that matches the sofa. And a hair cut.



2 responses to “How I Welcomed in the New Year, and Got Licked in the Process

  1. Lara January 3, 2011 at 3:50 am

    Show off the new cut when you get it done. I know it was not funny while occurring, but I hope you know that a thorough cat-cleaning is reserved for those s/he truly loves.


  2. Robin Christian January 7, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Bett, you are a funny woman. Glad that you are because you keep me smiling!!! Happy New Year.


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