I know, right? So, yesterday morning, I got into the shower, reached for the soap, and there it is. A lizard was sitting there on my bar of Dial. What could I do? No one can hear me scream. I bathed with shampoo, kept my eyes open, and got out as fast as I could.
I hate lizards. I hate that my cat loves them. I wanted to get Scout and fling her into the shower. Which she would have hated, because it was wet.
No one wins when there are hateful feelings. Except the lizard. He wins, because he knows I am not going to touch him, ever. He ignores my reactions, my fear, panic, and enjoys the rain forest ecosystem that exists in the shower. I can’t imagine an environment more to his liking other than the outdoors, where he belongs.
I don’t recall finding so many lizards in the house, living or dead, before we got Scout. She’s outside right now, and I really want to leave her out there. After a while, Scout gets scared of the great outdoors, cries pitifully to be let back in, and rushes through the door all “You wouldn’t believe what’s out there. Some things are bigger than me!” with wide eyes, begging to be petted until she is calm again, secure in her protected indoor life where she rules.
I hate this. I hate everything about it. Cats and lizards, for heaven’s sake. This is what I am reduced to writing about. I read others’ blogs, and they write about fantastic vacations, wonderful experiences from their latest writer’s conference, bookstore appearances, great reviews, their special talents like sports or something, they give advice and recipes and links to great articles and videos. They are wise and funny and articulate and very helpful to the reader, very entertaining. They write about their home life and their family. They actually have lives to write about.
I write about my fear of reptiles and the North-South Korea relationship I have with a cat. I think I need therapy. I live in the DMZ between my cat and lizards.
Which is why I am sitting here writing the instead of getting ready for work. I don’t want to go into the shower again. Ever.